You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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