What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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