normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
