I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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