Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
