I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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