i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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