i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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