A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
