Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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