hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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