I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
