I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
