Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
