good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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