Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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