Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
