I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
wow bdsm is so cute
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
