I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
