Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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