I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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