I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
