Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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