So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
