mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
