In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
