I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
