I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
