booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
