A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
