I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
