I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
