I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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