people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
