I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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