Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
