My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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