were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
