Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?