connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.