Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
