Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
