I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
