I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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