theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
