We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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