Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Buhtt sex?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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