I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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