i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
