If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
