Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
