You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
