Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
