I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
