she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
