from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
