If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
