HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
