You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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