You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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