You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
